All first team players (and Thiago) contracted to play for FC Barcelona will be required to adhere to the following social networking rules on the internet. These are, in no particular order:
- Players will be required to string together as many meaningful words as possible. As an example (any resemblance to any existing tweet is mere coincidence and not intentional), “Ooooh! moc moc! Ooooh! Moc moc! Ooooh!” does not constitute a valid post.
- Any sentence can have at the most five exclamation marks. A tweet, consisting of multiple sentences, will be restricted to 20 exclamation marks. Anything over twenty can be seen as detrimental to the player’s image (well, anything that’s left of it, at least).
- Please refrain from posting pictures of your feet, hands, fingers or other body parts in isolation. It’s advocated to include the face in any picture posted.
- Please refrain from making jokes about old women in convertibles or (just for example) comparing refrigerators to a monkey’s behind. This is frowned upon.
- It is not advisable to post pictures of shoes. Especially fashion duds. And especially those that don’t belong to you. And especially if you intend to start guessing games.
- Try not to tweet about food all the time. At least, try to appear to engage in intellectually stimulating conversation.
- But do avoid asking questions on Greek mythology. Remember you are a football player, and not a history professor.
- Avoid twitter as a medium to say good morning and good night to your team mates.
- If there is some daily activity that you do, (just as a totally random example not related to any player, totally fictitious to reiterate) like pilates, avoid tweeting about it every single
- It is forbidden to post more than 100 tweets about Christmas trees in one year (or 365 days).
- Finally, before pressing the enter button to post a tweet, it is advised to read what you’ve written first. Remember that there is some such thing as editing.
Thanking you for your cooperation,
Your over-worked PR department