We all know how dearly Dani loves the Powerade box. It’s common knowledge that it is what gives him his superhuman powers to be at four or five places in the right flank at the same time. Not to mention being the source of his creative powers. So clearly, he was not pleased to walk back to this safe haven after a hard day’s practice only to find Leo Messi squatting on it like he owns the darned thing. Now Alves and Xavi might have found the next best thing to sit on, which would be a football, but Alves is not pleased. “Leo Messi might be the greatest football player in the world, and a “nice and quiet” boy to boot, but he has been a bit selfish of late” says Alves in an exclusive to FCBFD, “You have to be cordial about these things! Like me, I invited Busi to sit on the kit bag in the middle, but he passed on the offer.”
So, is this a common occurrence in the Barca dressing room? “No, Leo is usually not very selfish” admits Alves, “He has no problems sharing his Lego blocks and Hotwheels car set with the rest of us, but yesterday was different. It’s not right that he has scored 43 goals, but only provided 23 assists. Pep was very displeased. He has forbidden Leo from scoring another goal till he gives 20 more assists at least. The numbers should match, right?”
Er…right. But is the atmosphere in the dressing room back to normal after the little squabble yesterday? After all, it did feel a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. “Oh yes, that’s all dealt with” says Alves dismissively, “Leo apologized, and Villa offered to hold Leo’s shirt up next year too when he wishes his mom happy birthday, so they’re back to being friends again”.
That’s a relief! So, what about Pep Guardiola? “What about him?” says Alves.
No, we mean, is his back okay? “Well, he is in the hospital getting epidural shots, does that strike you as being okay? Which newspaper are you with, anyway?”
Uh…Never mind. Thank you very much for your time, Alves!