We here at FCBFD are rather upset with BBC. Now, there’s a reason why the BBC is considered more authentic than, say, FCB Fan Drivel. And we’d like it to stay that way. So, when we read a headline on BBC that ran “Jose Mourinho Escapes Knife Attack” and a first line that went “A man with a dagger is reported to have tried to stab Mourinho when he was signing autographs at the airport”, we were naturally very concerned. Yes, we do fervently wish sometimes that MouMou would trip on his shoelaces and land on his head, but we certainly don’t want the man murdered! Well, digging around a bit more revealed that it was the security guard who got hurt, not MouMou himself. And the guard, bless him, didn’t even realize he was hurt till he reached the team bus, so you can dismiss those images of blood gushing out and eyes rolling from your head. And it might not even have been a knife. Meh. “Security Guard Poked with Concealed Plastic Fork” would have been a more appropriate title. Much ado about nothing. Dagger, forsooth!
In other less dramatic news, Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the best player in the world, according to Zlatan Ibrahimovic. “I’m the best player in the world. I really feel that way” he says, just in case you thought he was just kidding around. But how, you ask! In order to be the best player, you’d have to win all manner of golden boots and balls and pots and whatnot! “The fact that I’ve never won the FIFA Player of the Year award or the Ballon d’Or doesn’t mean that I can’t be the best player” he explains. No, it certainly doesn’t mean that. Not in cuckoo land. We think we ought to be writing for Sports Illustrated too. Or win a Pulitzer or two at the very least. Ibra also explains why he is playing for AC Milan one year after signing for FC Barcelona. “I feel that it’s better not to stay at the same club too long. You keep learning new things if you change clubs every now and then. ” Uh huh.
“I am sure Cesc Fabregas wants to return to FC Barcelona” reportedly says Leo Messi to Sport. Yes, again. So why are our players so incapable of twiddling their fingers and saying “Ho-hum” when asked about Cesc Fabregas? Maybe it is some genetic bug that was introduced when they were designed in the underground labs in La Masia (discovered by Barcelona.TheOffside), where they get stuck in an infinite loop saying “Cesc to FC Barcelona” every weekend till Arsene Wenger returns him back begging for mercy? We will keep you posted. And we hope this bug has been fixed in subsequent versions just so we don’t have to go through all this again with Toral. Visca Barca.