Mourinho: How on earth does Preciado drink soup with that moustache?!
Maybe if I catch Di Maria by the neck and keep shaking him, he'll stop diving and start playing...or maybe not.
If only I'd argued less with that referee, I'd be playing with the boys at Madrigal instead of making bad omelettes.
It's just the bench! It's not like I'm making you sit in the stands with Diego Maradona for company!
Pique: Valdes is doing a wonderful job! Maybe I should join Dani and pretend I'm a forward!
Villa: Thank heavens Pique got that! The header would've totally ruined my hair!
Masche thinks he is a good actor, but I bet he can't do the stabbed-in-the-heart routine as well as I can!
Masche: I think the next step after the kick is the twirl?
I hate sitting on the bench! At least if I had one more yellow, I could be making omelletes with Xavi...
Why are my defenders in the front and forwards at the back?! Oh what the heck, at least we are winning!