Exclusive: Rosell talks about Barca Crisis

Posted: April 25, 2011 in Random Observations
Tags: , , ,

FC Barcelona is in an unprecedented crisis! Well, yes, we are eight points ahead in the Liga for a possible 3rd consecutive league win. Yeah, okay, we are in the Champions League semi-finals and the two legs are yet to be played. All right, the three Ballon d’Or finalists are from Barca. But we lost the Copa del Rey, dammit!! What do you mean, “the whatish Rey?” ESPN categorizes the Copa del Rey as the most coveted trophy in Spain, never mind the league. It was a terribly humiliating loss that too. Well, one solitary goal in extra time might not seem humiliating to you, but that’s because you are the rare, sensible fan with your head still on your shoulders. The rest of us are screaming in horror and throwing ourselves off cliffs by the dozen. It’s the bloody end of the world, so stop being so calm and collected about it! On this occassion, we demanded an interview from FCB President Sandro Rosell as to what steps he seeks to take to avoid being sacked (which seems rather inevitable now).

Q: Mr. Rosell, thanks for your time. Though I suppose you’ll have a lot of that soon.
Rosell: What do you mean??
Q: Well, we mean, as soon as you get impeached.
A: I have no intention of getting impeached. In fact, I doubt if Barca presidents can even get impeached in the first place.

Q: Yes okay. What do you intend to do about this terrible situation?
A: And this terrible situation being…
Q: Well you know, Barcelona in a crisis, having lost once to Real Madrid in 3 years. That’s terrible!
A: Ah, yes I see what you mean. We are in talks with Qatar Foundation. We could have caps with the QF logo that players wear during training sessions. Maybe QF can give us more money, so we can buy a defender or two, since we seem to be running out of those real fast.

Q: The players are going to wear caps with giant green trees on them?
A: We are still in talks. They did lose to Real Madrid in that Copa thingummy though, so they can’t really protest.
Q: What does Pep Guardiola have to say?
A: I have been following up with him on progress every two hours. Last time I called him, he told me he’s reached home from the training session and is tickling his cat. So yes, we are doing our homework.

Q: That’s very reassuring to hear. Thank you, Mr. Rosell, for your time.
A: You’re always welcome.

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