Everyone is doing a postmortem of the El Clasico series, and we’re jealous. We want to do one too. But we don’t see why “things we learnt from the Clasico series” has to be in multiples of five, so for the first time ever, here are the SEVEN things we learnt from the El Clasico series:
- “Mourinho is on to something, let him finish the job” says goal.com in it’s own analysis, and we’re going to shamelessly copy that point. We think he’s on to something too. The man has a plan. Okay, it was disrupted by uncooperative referees who kept sending his men off when they tried to cripple Barca players, but oh, did he show them referees up in that post match press conference or what? “Why? Why? Why do Barca players need protection when they have such an unfair advantage in terms of talent? Why are we always stopped from killing or maiming a player or two so we can even things up a bit? I will never know the answers, but I’ll keep asking the questions. This is a disgusting world we live in”. Indeed. Go, Jose!
- Cristiano Ronaldo might have evolved too far, suggests Soccerlens, and we’re going to copy that point too. We whole-heartedly agree, never mind that ‘evolution’ tends to remind you of the peppered moth. But that explains it. In big games, Ronaldo’s accelerated evolution gets in the way, darn it. Maybe the Special One can figure out a way to un-evolve him a bit.
- Andres Iniesta can walk through people. No really! We swear we saw him do it! It did come as a bit of a surprise and made us swallow an olive the wrong way, but it’s true.
- You can stop Leo Messi if you sit on him and hold on to his legs for dear life. For now at least. Till Iniesta teaches him the walking-through-people trick. And it’s advisable to do it in groups of 3 or 4 just to be safe he doesn’t get away.
- Mascherano never used to dive in EPL. Cristiano Ronaldo knows. For those who don’t believe it, Ronaldo was the president of the EPL Diving Footballers Community (DFC) and he still has contacts there. After investigation, it was ascertained that Masche was never a member. So there, bet you feel silly now for doubting him.
- Referees are agents of evil mass manufactured by UNICEF in a ploy to take over the world. Mourinho knows, he’s not called the Special One for nothing. Their world domination will be complete once Barca wins the Champions League, that’s their grand plan. Be very afraid.
- What’s our final takeaway from the El Clasico four part series? Never have an El Clasico four part series again. Never ever, we mean it. Even if you have to rig the UEFA Champions League draw, for the sake of sanity, do it.