Another Messi Problem? Bring it On!

Posted: May 19, 2011 in Random Observations
Tags: , , ,

Since it seems to be in vogue right now to write articles about Leo Messi supposedly throwing his toys out of the pram when things don’t go his way (read goal.com, well no don’t actually read it) with a cliched pun for title, we thought we’d write a piece too. It sounds like a fun project, and it’s not like you really need facts, come on, we’re just going to be like goal.com and make them up along the way.

Maybe if I keep staring at Pep like I'm going to burn another hole through the back of his jacket, he'll sub me in...

1. Messi Hates the Bench: This has been a big problem for Pep Guardiola since that wonderful wonderful day he joined as Barca coach in 2008. Leo Messi doesn’t like the bench. And Pep has three perfectly nice suits with burnt holes in the back to show for it. An inside source reveals that Pep has been purchasing fire-proof coats the past year, but is still nervous about benching Leo just in case Leo shifts target to the back of his head instead. In case you were wondering, no, Leo doesn’t like the stands either. Very hard to please, that guy.

What's Diego constantly yapping to me about? I'll never forgive Pep for this. NEVER.

"And I want orange lollipops, just like Cristiano's"

2. Messi Scores a Lot of Them Goals: This, in reality, is the biggest problem for Pep Guardiola. Leave Leo unsupervised for a few minutes, and he has scored another one of them goals. “Pep doesn’t like a lot of goals” another inside source reveals, “He likes winning by the skin of our teeth. He has spoken to Leo about this many times, but Leo just sulks till Pep gets him a lollipop. This is getting to be a real headache”. We are also told that Leo can be very particular on the color and flavor of the lollipop, and a training session was delayed just because the nearby store had run out of orange ones. Who knew managing a great player could be such a battle?

3. Messi Always Wants to Play in the Center: This is another problem for Pep Guardiola. It takes away his tactical flexibility, because Leo dictates that he wants to be in the center all the time. Here’s another inside source (yes we know a lot of people) with his take on it: “Once, Pep wanted to try out a new formation with just 10 men, so he asked Leo to stand outside on the sidelines during a game. Much to our shock, Leo blatantly disobeyed Pep by lying down on his back and staring at his shoes instead. It was very embarrassing. Thankfully we had orange lollipops in the house during half time, otherwise God knows what could’ve happened!” Perfectly dreadful! And we thought Leo was a quiet, humble kid like Dani told us!

Nope, no ladybugs here.

4. Messi Doesn’t Train During Practice Sessions: This one is a shocker. Yeah, we know Chygrynskiy said “During training sessions Leo behaved like a carefree little boy who had told his mother: I will be back in two hours, just play football for a while! That is the way he is!”, but he speaks from second hand information. We have an inside source who confirms otherwise. “You know we have rondos” says the source, “If Leo ever has to go in the middle, he just walks away and starts looking for ladybugs instead. The players don’t intervene. They know Leo will be back when he is bored of looking for ladybugs. Pep doesn’t intervene either, because Leo is the best player in the world”. Oh well.

5. Messi Gets Longer Vacations: Okay. So Villa said it regularly happens on teams that players who have to travel more to go home sometimes get longer vacations, and that it wasn’t a big deal at all, but we’re not believing that story-killer. Messi has been getting longer vacations for the past few years, and we believe it’s because he has been holding Pep to ransom. No, not by kidnapping his children, don’t be silly, but by threatening to play in the local Cops vs Kids charity football game. Messi would play for the Kids of course, and them Cops can be a bit clumsy with their tackles. The very thought is enough to make Pep let Messi take an extra week off. Machiavellian manipulation.
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Comments
  1. Shahrzad says:

    yep, that’s getting disgusting. U know, Messi – of all players out there- is now harmful to Pep’s plans! & more funny thing is that CRy’s fans were like :”we knew it, he is miles below CR in team-performing values” !
    Well done, guys!:)

  2. Sharon says:

    We can only hope that the recent Clasicos have taught Messi to behave in a more sporting way. Messi can go a long way if he learns from the likes of Ronaldo, Pepe, Mourinho, Sergio Ramos…well, we can only hope. 😉

  3. Bel says:

    This is great! This article needed to be written. They really reached a new low on goal.com, I could barely get through the thing. From accusing him of being “shrewd” and petulant, to calling him “homely” (relevant to football how!?!?!), to the final poll: “Will Messi GET HIS WAY and start against Malaga?” I mean honestly. If the Messi we know and love is “manipulative, petulant, shrewd etc.” I better start acting like more of a bitch, maybe then I’ll be as decent a person as he is. And heck, if he’s “homely” I need to start looking for some “homelier” boyfriends 😉

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