Since it seems to be in vogue right now to write articles about Leo Messi supposedly throwing his toys out of the pram when things don’t go his way (read goal.com, well no don’t actually read it) with a cliched pun for title, we thought we’d write a piece too. It sounds like a fun project, and it’s not like you really need facts, come on, we’re just going to be like goal.com and make them up along the way.
1. Messi Hates the Bench: This has been a big problem for Pep Guardiola since that wonderful wonderful day he joined as Barca coach in 2008. Leo Messi doesn’t like the bench. And Pep has three perfectly nice suits with burnt holes in the back to show for it. An inside source reveals that Pep has been purchasing fire-proof coats the past year, but is still nervous about benching Leo just in case Leo shifts target to the back of his head instead. In case you were wondering, no, Leo doesn’t like the stands either. Very hard to please, that guy.
2. Messi Scores a Lot of Them Goals: This, in reality, is the biggest problem for Pep Guardiola. Leave Leo unsupervised for a few minutes, and he has scored another one of them goals. “Pep doesn’t like a lot of goals” another inside source reveals, “He likes winning by the skin of our teeth. He has spoken to Leo about this many times, but Leo just sulks till Pep gets him a lollipop. This is getting to be a real headache”. We are also told that Leo can be very particular on the color and flavor of the lollipop, and a training session was delayed just because the nearby store had run out of orange ones. Who knew managing a great player could be such a battle?
3. Messi Always Wants to Play in the Center: This is another problem for Pep Guardiola. It takes away his tactical flexibility, because Leo dictates that he wants to be in the center all the time. Here’s another inside source (yes we know a lot of people) with his take on it: “Once, Pep wanted to try out a new formation with just 10 men, so he asked Leo to stand outside on the sidelines during a game. Much to our shock, Leo blatantly disobeyed Pep by lying down on his back and staring at his shoes instead. It was very embarrassing. Thankfully we had orange lollipops in the house during half time, otherwise God knows what could’ve happened!” Perfectly dreadful! And we thought Leo was a quiet, humble kid like Dani told us!
4. Messi Doesn’t Train During Practice Sessions: This one is a shocker. Yeah, we know Chygrynskiy said “During training sessions Leo behaved like a carefree little boy who had told his mother: I will be back in two hours, just play football for a while! That is the way he is!”, but he speaks from second hand information. We have an inside source who confirms otherwise. “You know we have rondos” says the source, “If Leo ever has to go in the middle, he just walks away and starts looking for ladybugs instead. The players don’t intervene. They know Leo will be back when he is bored of looking for ladybugs. Pep doesn’t intervene either, because Leo is the best player in the world”. Oh well.