Of Mourinho and Madness

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Random Observations
Tags: , ,

Here’s something that’s really not a big secret for the regular readers of our blog (and if you are one, let me just say I am hugely impressed by your persistence!) – we are not very fond of Mourinho really. Nope. I’m sure there are people who like him, his mother for one, but we’re not among them. But even as non-members of the Mourinho Fan Club, we are rather worried about him. Sure, if he catches the flu, we’re not going to send him Get Well Soon postcards with smiley faces on it, but we are frankly very perturbed at the thought of Mou ending up in a padded cell scribbling FC Barcelona on the walls and striking them out with thick red crosses. And to be honest, the Mourinho we saw during the last Classico wouldn’t have surprised us if he’d started cackling to himself and running around in circles.

We’ve read enough about events that transpired during the last ten minutes of the Classico, seen so many slow motion action replays with various protagonists highlighted in yellow circles that one would suspect we’ve suddenly discovered new evidence for second gunman during JFK assassination. But no such luck, it was just Villa attempting to put his hand through Ozil’s face and Pepe kicking Valdes and sticking his tongue out at him. It’s safe to say we are at a stage where we’d like to move on. Except there’s just the small matter of Mourinho’s mental health, and yes, to repeat ourselves, we’re very worried.

First of all, it’s very odd that anyone past kindergarten would attempt to put a finger on someone else’s eyeball without politely requesting permission to do so. And judging from his press conference that he was completely unaware of who “Pito” was, it’s rather rude to attempt to do what he did to an unsuspecting stranger. And not have a good explanation for it. Not even “I thought he’d look dashing with an eyepatch”. Nothing. And after three days, a spokesperson (not Karanka) claims it’s because Mourinho was defending Real Madrid.

  As to how exactly Mourinho was hoping to defend Real Madrid by making Tito Vilanova half-blind, no one is exactly sure. Let’s just suppose that Barcelona ends up winning the next Classico or two, what is to stop him from jumping on Pep’s shoulders and pulling out imaginary hair in defense of the great institution? How does Pep bravely shake hands with Mourinho next time fully aware of the risk that Mourinho might get it into his head to bite him in his ankle instead? This is all very disturbing.

We propose that the Spanish football federation brings in a new rule that states no coach can protect his team by damaging body parts of opposition coaches or staff without earning an extended stay in the neighboring loony bin. As soon as they figure out how to get the season going that is, no hurry, there’s still some time left for the next classico. Or maybe Perez should insist that anytime Mourinho feels like doing irreversible harm to anyone else, he should take a deep breath and count to ten. We’ve heard that helps. Or maybe some self suggestion along the lines of “I’m a grown up man and not an unbalanced three year old” would work, we don’t know. Let’s hope for the best. Till the next Classico.

  1. Pito smacked Mou in the head from behind with suspicious ease for someone half-blind…

    • fcbfandrivel says:

      An understandable instantaneous reaction, don’t you think? 😛

      • I just mean everyone has been like “omg Mourinho gouged that dude’s eye out” but his eye looked perfectly fine to me. Honestly I think a little scrap between teams every now and then is a healthy thing. Plus it’s fun to watch “respectable” millionaires act like bratty little kids sometimes. It makes them seem more human and brings them closer to us. Screw the billboards and Adidas commercials and canned press conference responses and all that. I don’t want my soccer heroes to be Disney princes.

        It also really bothers me that a stupid little eye poke has gotten way more attention than the fans making monkey chants at Marcelo. It’s a disgrace and a stain on everything Barca claims to be about.

  2. RH says:

    fcbfandrivel, epic! (as always)

    Toblerone jones, get a grip will ya? I didn’t see anyone complaining when the madrid fans were making monkey chants at Alves at the Bernabeu. There wasnt even any side action to take the focus off the racist chanting.
    Doesnt make it any less wrong, but maybe you should get some perspective.

    Also, if you think that gouging some1’s eye is perfectly normal and harmless, maybe we should turn it into a game and teach it to kindergarteners.
    Would be the same as challenging a player studs up. they MIGHT get badly hurt. but hey if they didnt then its ok, lets all just forget about it and let it go 🙂

  3. “his eye looked perfectly fine?! healthy thing?!it was fun to watch?! soccer hero?!” OMG!! World I just found Mou’s missed twin brother!

    no pride in that chants ofcourse, no way to defend it, not even a bit! but ugly, unexplainable behaviors from the attending fans around the world are way more common than a “master tactical coach” ,as they say, poking in others eyes, pathetically. maybe that’s the cause of more attention. but don’t you worry; that’s exactly what Mou wants: more attention to his character to be more special! maybe then, people stop noticing his tactical failure!

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