Here’s something that’s really not a big secret for the regular readers of our blog (and if you are one, let me just say I am hugely impressed by your persistence!) – we are not very fond of Mourinho really. Nope. I’m sure there are people who like him, his mother for one, but we’re not among them. But even as non-members of the Mourinho Fan Club, we are rather worried about him. Sure, if he catches the flu, we’re not going to send him Get Well Soon postcards with smiley faces on it, but we are frankly very perturbed at the thought of Mou ending up in a padded cell scribbling FC Barcelona on the walls and striking them out with thick red crosses. And to be honest, the Mourinho we saw during the last Classico wouldn’t have surprised us if he’d started cackling to himself and running around in circles.
We’ve read enough about events that transpired during the last ten minutes of the Classico, seen so many slow motion action replays with various protagonists highlighted in yellow circles that one would suspect we’ve suddenly discovered new evidence for second gunman during JFK assassination. But no such luck, it was just Villa attempting to put his hand through Ozil’s face and Pepe kicking Valdes and sticking his tongue out at him. It’s safe to say we are at a stage where we’d like to move on. Except there’s just the small matter of Mourinho’s mental health, and yes, to repeat ourselves, we’re very worried.
First of all, it’s very odd that anyone past kindergarten would attempt to put a finger on someone else’s eyeball without politely requesting permission to do so. And judging from his press conference that he was completely unaware of who “Pito” was, it’s rather rude to attempt to do what he did to an unsuspecting stranger. And not have a good explanation for it. Not even “I thought he’d look dashing with an eyepatch”. Nothing. And after three days, a spokesperson (not Karanka) claims it’s because Mourinho was defending Real Madrid.
As to how exactly Mourinho was hoping to defend Real Madrid by making Tito Vilanova half-blind, no one is exactly sure. Let’s just suppose that Barcelona ends up winning the next Classico or two, what is to stop him from jumping on Pep’s shoulders and pulling out imaginary hair in defense of the great institution? How does Pep bravely shake hands with Mourinho next time fully aware of the risk that Mourinho might get it into his head to bite him in his ankle instead? This is all very disturbing.
We propose that the Spanish football federation brings in a new rule that states no coach can protect his team by damaging body parts of opposition coaches or staff without earning an extended stay in the neighboring loony bin. As soon as they figure out how to get the season going that is, no hurry, there’s still some time left for the next classico. Or maybe Perez should insist that anytime Mourinho feels like doing irreversible harm to anyone else, he should take a deep breath and count to ten. We’ve heard that helps. Or maybe some self suggestion along the lines of “I’m a grown up man and not an unbalanced three year old” would work, we don’t know. Let’s hope for the best. Till the next Classico.