It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken with Cristiano Ronaldo. You know how it is, we’ve been busy, and he hasn’t been sitting around twiddling his fingers either. And we didn’t start off on such a good note either.
Us: Good morning, Cristiano. We are from FCB Fan Drivel. Care for an interview?
Cristiano: Why should I talk to a FCB Fan? One that writes Drivel on top of that to boot?
You see? Sticky start, like I said. But we were eager to make amends. It’s not everyday that you get to talk to one of the best footballers on the planet. So here’s us exercising our diplomatic skills.
Us: Oh, we might be FCB fans, but we think you are a rich, handsome and great footballer.
Cristiano: That’s very odd, that’s exactly what I think myself.
Us: Wonderful! Now that we’re on the save wavelength, can we have a quick interview?
Us: Really? That’s great! We’d like to know more about the real Cristiano if you will. What’s your favorite pastime when you’re not playing football?
Cristiano: I really like standing in front of the mirror and marveling at my own awesomeness.
Us: Hahahaha, you are also really funny.
Cristiano: What’s so funny?
Us: Oh. Er…sorry we misunderstood.Next question. How do you deal with all the pressure?
Cristiano: Yes, there’s a lot of pressure when you are the first, second and third best player in the world all rolled into one playing for the best club in the world that too. But I handle it by believing in myself.
Us: But Barca…
Cristiano: Haven’t you been reading the press? They drew the last two games. The verdict is out. They’re no longer the best team in the world.
(Interrupted by Real Madrid coach, Jose Mourinho passing by)
(Cristiano to MouMou): Hello Special One!
(MouMou to Cristiano): Hello my rich, beautiful and great footballer!
(Us joining in the camaraderie): (genially) Hello eye-poker! How’s the finger?
(Mou to Cristiano): Who’s this?
(Cristiano to Mou): Er…some Barca Fan Nonsense or something.
Us: (Diplomatic silence)
So that was that. Sorry our fascinating interview was cut short. Should’ve listened to that voice in the head that told us to shut it and pretend to be part of the furniture when Mou was around. Oh well. Maybe later then. Visca Barca.
Disclaimer: Not a real interview of course.