Exclusive! Inside Information on Effects of VV’s Decision

Posted: December 2, 2011 in Barcelona Offside, Random Observations

VV’s refusal to renew his Barca contract and decision to exercise his human rights to choose where he’d ply his trade next has made him the scapegoat this Hlebruary season. He has been accused of disturbing the finely tuned equilibrium in the dressing room that makes Barca players go out there on the pitch and perform like they usually do. And he has also been accused of announcing his non-renewal too early. “He should have waited till end of the season, and then we could have accused him of prolonging negotiations for money” complains the Catalan media. Not to mention, there might be proof that he is indirectly responsible for global warming.  That’s not all of it. “When Pique’s equilibrium is shattered, he can’t help picking up fatheaded yellow cards” says an inside source.

piqueFault

offsidefinishing

“And when Masche’s affected, he forgets which end to defend and which to score at. It’s not easy. It’s all Victor’s fault” continues the inside source. Talking of which, you know a few of us have been clamoring for a Masche gol for the past couple of years. Well, suffice to say that after three own goals (and counting) this season already, we feel we ought to temporarily suspend this movement.

Cab driver: I'd like a pic with the most prolific goal scorer around here please.

MASCHE

“Messi has been distraught after he heard” says our source. “He has been scoring just one goal per game for the past month or so. 5 goals from the last 5 games he’s played. What do we do?”

MESSI

pique2goals

ALEXIS

DANI

Oh, and did we mention there might be evidence linking him to a third gunman at JFK’s assassination?

VV

Note 1:

Oh well. Here’s to hoping the ridiculous backlash we’ve been hearing and reading against VV is short-lived. Iniesta says it better than we ever could. (quotes via barcastuff).

“Victor Valdes is one of the most important players in Barça’s history. We should be grateful for everything he has given to the club. I’m close to him, we talked about it before. I’ll miss him, but I respect his decision. It’s not easy to say ‘no’ to this team. Won’t be easy to find a successor, but we didn’t yet think about it. Until the last day he’s here, Victor will be my goalkeeper.”

Note 2:

Filed accordingly under nonsense.

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