Seven Predictions for the Clasico

Posted: March 30, 2013 in Barcelona Offside, Random Observations

We are thinking back to the last time we came up with a prediction. And there’s this unsettling feeling that it was during that couple of weeks that no one really wants to remember. It was something along the lines of – “Pep Guardiola is definitely not leaving Barca next season”. Yeah well. Any predictions before that, you ask? Yes, there was one for the second leg of Chelsea game in CL semis. And suffice to say it was nothing like how that turned out. So, with that confidence building exercise out of the way, here are our predictions for the upcoming Clasico.

(1) Tito Vilanova will wear a black Polo T Shirt. (Okay, we are starting with the easy one first!) We are basing this important piece of information on previous form. Except for the one occasion when he ventured out for a friendly in a suit and proceeded to look like he was fervently wishing he hadn’t for the next 90 minutes, Tito’s wardrobe has single handedly caused a sharp decline in availability of black Polo shirts in the city of Barcelona. What are the odds of Tito picking one of the 76 copies of the same shirt hanging in his closet? Pretty high? We thought so too.

Tito from first presser on July 17th to Gamper presentation on August 20th. Spot the difference?

(2) Mourinho will NOT poke Tito Vilanova in the eye. It’s been done before, and it’s been discussed to death. There’s no novelty in it anymore. There’s only so many times journos can express outrage. Jordi Roura better watch out though.

(3) Pepe will kick Dani in the beard. Well, Pepe has to kick someone somewhere, and we are secretly hoping it’s Dani’s beard, thereby prompting Dani to reevaluate his life choices and start shopping for razors. Though give it a few more days, and razors wouldn’t suffice, it would have to be garden scissors. You all remember the poem of course.

There was a (not so) old man with a beard
Who said, It is just as I feared!
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!

(4) There will be at least one dubious referee decision. We are basing this on our confidence in Spanish referee incompetence. It’s impossible that a referee will allow an entire game to finish without attempting to throw a spanner into the works at least once.

(5) Either Real Madrid will leave the ground claiming “Robbery! We wuz robbed!” or Barca will leave the ground claiming “We were the better team! This is footballing injustice!” Or it might be a draw. In which case, we’d just have Mourinho clapping sarcastically at the assistant referee and being banished to the stands.

(6) There will be a free-for-all fighting game either just before half time, or just before full time, with just a few rules thrown in. Mainly, negative points for punching B teamers and no biting. And coaches not allowed to participate.

(7) The little amount of football that will be played in between other events as detailed above will be riveting to watch between two truly fantastic teams. Fortunately, the constant sideshows will serve as enough distraction to protect heart health and as frequent reminders to exercise your lungs.

And here’s an additional prediction thrown in, for free! Irrespective of the way the Clasico ends, it’s highly likely that the earth will not open up and swallow everyone, and there just might be a next day after all. Happy Clasico day!


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