On Ibra, Mourinho, Messi and New Rules

Game's over! You can get up from the bench now!

There is a rumor going around in Italian circles, started by none other than Mino Raiola, that Ibrahimovic might return to Barcelona at the end of this season and stick to us like glue over the next five years. This is no doubt triggered by Italian media reports after AC Milan’s Champions League exit comparing Ibra to a rather charismatic lamppost (sounds awfully familiar). Call us pessimistic, but we can see this getting very awkward very quickly. Perhaps if Ibra had any intentions of returning, he ought not to have talked so eloquently about plugging Pep Guardiola in the eye, but that’s all water under the bridge now. We might not be fans of Ibra, but we would hate for the Barcelona bench definition to become “long, rectangular sitting surface with a tall Swede at the end of it”. So let’s hope that was just Raiola joking. He always had a horrendous sense of humor anyway.

Don't you see the giant saucer in the sky, people?! That's the reason why we are 5 points behind!

Meanwhile, Jose Mourinho confirms that he is not stupid, which must come as some relief to Florentino Perez. It’s always nice to know that your head coach is not loony.  “I am not stupid” says Mou, and we will take his word for it. But there is no denying that he is frightfully paranoid. After blaming everyone including the referees, the linesmen, the ball boys, his team’s general manager, the rival coaches, the cook’s cat and Puyol’s pet sheep for Real Madrid’s seven five point deficit, he is now convinced the calendar people are silently plotting his downfall in their spare time. And somehow poor Iker Casillas got caught in the crossfire.

“There is a team that played in the Champions League on Tuesday and have no game in the league until the following Sunday, while another one is forced to play in Europe on Wednesday and then Saturday in the league”

Not to nitpick, but that seems a rather roundabout way of saying Barcelona has more rest days than Madrid, but whatever. What about a team forced to play a Champions League game (against Arsenal) on Tuesday after playing a league game (against Zaragoza) on Saturday? We could go around in circles arguing this point forever, but we’d rather go to the dentist for a particularly painful tooth extraction instead.

“Iker won’t be with us because he won’t be in the squad against Atletico (next weekend). If they (Barcelona) want to end the league before time, I might as well make it easy for them”

That’s frightfully gracious of Mourinho, to play without a goalkeeper just to make it easy for Barcelona. Though if Atletico played like Malaga, it wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Yes, blame it all on the schedule. But do remember that Real Madrid had more rest days than Barcelona before they played in the El Classico, remember the one with the manita and all that, just to put things in perspective. Next Mourinho will be saying it’s all the fault of those tiny green men from that giant spaceship parked outside Bernabeu. Maybe Mourinho and Wenger should get together and exchange notes.

I wonder if they'll glow in the dark and make squeaky sounds when I walk! I should get a pair for Bojan too!

Moving on, it appears you could get suspended for up to 6 months if you bid for Leo Messi. Not that we are complaining of course, we would be all for a rigid prison sentence for anyone who attempts to pry him away from Barcelona (Moratti, we are looking at you!). And nothing should really surprise us anymore, this coming after a ban on snoods or yellow cards for wishing your mom happy birthday. Still, you can’t help but wonder what’s next! While they’re at it, maybe they can come up with a ban on players wearing dazzlingly bright orange shoes than can also serve as a caution cone alternatives? It’s spreading like the plague. And it would save us some eye ache. Just saying.

Of All The Loony Football Quotes…

Who is crazier? Ibra or his agent?

Reading Goal.com’s Top 20 quotes of 2010 got us thinking. Mind you, we here at at FCBFD usually read the aforementioned website for comic relief, and if we feel an overwhelming urge to read biased editorials. But this time it was different, it made us wonder what some people eat or drink before giving press conferences. Or maybe they don’t, and it’s the low sugar which makes them say these things. Take Current Genoa president Enrico Preziosi for example. He would have us believe that when Leo Messi was at La Masia, he actually went on trials for Como but Preziosi, who was then president of Como, rejected him. Even if it were true, I’d have thought that this is something better kept as a secret. Why would he announce to the whole world what an incredible fathead he was? And earn the hatred of Como fans forever? Oh well.

Be it Moratti saying Mourinho is like a husband who cheated on his wife but cared for her too much, didn’t have the courage to tell her and hence climbed out of the window, which all plays out rather like a yawn inducing soap opera (except for the visual of Mou climbing out of a window), or Ibra claiming Pep Guardiola is a ‘small-time coach’ who runs away from problems (or a philosopher who is rather good at trappist monk imitations whichever way you look at it), or Benitez’s all too familiar claim that some people are unable to see a priest on a mountain of sugar (Should they? Shouldn’t they? What’s a priest doing on a mountain of sugar anyway?),  or Former Boca Juniors coach Claudio Borghi claiming that Riquelme is like a girl with three breasts (it was meant to be a compliment by the way), it has been an eventful year. Then there are some quotes that fall into the ‘it’s so silly that it’s not even funny’ category, like Mino Raiola’s suggestion as to what Pep and Cruyff should do with their time, or Any Gray’s delusions of grandeur about EPL. Here’s hoping that 2011 is equally eventful with more loony quotes to share.

Of all the Crazy Transfer News…

The greatest team ever?

You know it’s a slow news day when everyone is talking about how FC Barcelona is planning on selling Andres Iniesta to Manchester City, which can only happen if Sandro Rosell is completely off his rocker or working in cahoots with Real Madrid. Hopefully. After the recent spate of dubious decisions, we’ve learnt never to say never when it comes to Rosell. But if one thing is clear, it’s that we (here at FCBFD) are not the only ones in the business of making up news. There are some transfer rumors that are borderline crazy, but this one is just plain ridiculous. It’s right up there with the rumor last year that Florentine Perez was saving up to buy Lionel Messi (considering his buyout clause, that’s a LOT of saving). Or the rumor that Xavi has stopped playing for Spain, just so he can sit at home and twiddle his thumbs during the international breaks.

While on the topic of borderline crazy, it is also rumored that FC Barcelona is in ‘secret’ talks with Santos to buy Neymar, though how it’s deemed a secret when published in newspapers is beyond me. Yes, the same Neymar who like to throw his toys out of the pram and kick up a fuss at any given opportunity. We expect it will go down really well with him to watch his teammates play from the bench. Or with his teammates if he attempts to get Pep sacked. Craziness! Next thing you know, the transfer press will be suggesting we send Leo to Tottenham in exchange for Bale.

Talking of Leo, there’s also a suspicion that Massimo Moratti has secretly won a lottery and is taking lessons in hypnotism, the way he’s going on about buying Lionel Messi. Either that, or he’s just trying to keep the Inter fans diverted from the abysmal season the team is having. Whatever the reason, it’s kind of silly that Messi has to keep denying that he is moving to Inter, every time he goes to Milan for a bit of shopping. “No, no, no, and for the last time, NO! Darn it, I’m not moving to Inter!” he is reported to have said last time around. Why is that so difficult to believe?